February 4, 2026

Understanding Adult ADHD and Executive Function Challenges

Adam and I met in the summer of 2017 while skydiving at Jumptown in Orange, MA. I was new to the sport, working through the Accelerated Free Fall (AFF) course to become licensed. Adam was already licensed — though I would later learn that “licensed” doesn’t always mean “professional.”

High-intensity sports tend to attract people from emergency response, military backgrounds, and a wide range of neurodivergent thinkers. It also is a world full of neuro-spicy brains from a hodgepodge of backgrounds. Adam fit into the skydiving community perfectly.

Living With ADHD Into Adulthood

My husband has what he jokingly calls “weapons-grade” ADHD. He always has, although it wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. Like many adults with ADHD, he spent years navigating life without understanding why certain tasks felt so hard.

Why hadn’t anyone explained this sooner?
Why hadn’t anyone stepped in with support or executive function guidance?
How are adults expected to learn foundational executive function skills while already navigating adulthood?

The reality is: the world is not built for ADHD brains — and that remains true for many adults today.

How Partnership Supports Executive Function in Adulthood

After decades of treading water, we met. Our relationship wasn’t a solution —it didn’t erase frustration or magically create clarity. What it did create was a safe space: a place for empathy, problem-solving, setbacks, and growth.

My husband is the most dedicated person I have ever met when it comes to self-discovery and growth. We have learned a lot together; there have been ups and downs and life events which have sidelined personal and collective growth, but we have leaned into one another during those times. We’ve learned that partnership can act as a scaffold for executive function — offering understanding, accountability, and flexibility. As we grow together, we grow individually.

Here’s what we’ve learned.

ADHD as an Intention Deficit, Not an Attention Deficit

Liz: What makes you frustrated about living with ADHD?

Adam: I’ve often felt like Superman wearing a kryptonite necklace. I feel capable of almost anything — but whether I can execute on a given day feels like a dice roll.

I follow the advice: exercise, eat well, use planners, Pomodoro timers, break tasks into steps. And yet, it often doesn’t work — not consistently, and not in the way people assume it should.

Russell Barkley describes ADHD not as an attention deficit, but an intention deficit. As he puts it:

“ADHD is not about knowing what to do. It’s about doing what you know.”

The breakdown isn’t planning — it’s execution.

ADHD Strengths: Insight, Creativity, and Connection

Liz: What insights does your brain give you?

Adam: This might be a strange analogy, but sometimes I think of my brain like a Roomba– a robot but not a very elegant one, at least at first. When you take it out of the box and first turn it on, it knows nothing about the layout of your house. It doesn’t start with a clean plan — it bumps into everything first. But over time, it builds a deep internal map.

That wandering, chaotic process often results in unexpected connections. In work settings, I’ve noticed patterns and insights others miss — not because I’m smarter, but because my brain integrates information differently.

ADHD brains may look unfocused — but they often build richer, more nuanced understandings over time.

Self-Acceptance and Neuroplasticity in Adulthood

Liz: What are some things I do, or have done as a partner that have been helpful for you and/or your brain?

Adam: You help with reminders, but more importantly, you’ve helped me accept myself and be more gentle with myself in the process. Like you often say, we are always kinder to our friends than we are to ourselves. And so in those moments of frustration and negative self-talk, it’s helpful to consider: what would you say to a good friend going through the exact same challenges?

Liz: What would you want adults with similar frustrations to know?

Adam: I think most people have some intuition about this, often from watching their grandparents or other older adults: the idea that the longer someone has lived, the more set in their ways they become. And I don’t just mean politically or philosophically, but in how they move through the world — their habits, skills, and sense of what is or isn’t possible for them anymore.

When you’re an adult facing ongoing challenges, it can start to feel like if you haven’t already learned or done X by now, then maybe you never will. Or that if you were capable at one point, that window has closed. But there’s a substantial body of research showing this isn’t true. Neuroplasticity remains available throughout adulthood, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

Learning a new language at 30 might not come as easily as it does at 5, but it’s still a real possibility. And the same is true for executive function skills — just because you didn’t learn them earlier in life does not mean you’re incapable of learning them now.

Liz Woodbury, M.Ed.
Executive Function Coach, Frankenberger Associates