Parenting During a Crisis Such As a Pandemic: The Opportunity for Growth and Development
Parents As Leaders: Understanding Our Role
As parents, we are called upon to be leaders of our families. This means that, whether we recognize it or not, we are expected to: have a clear understanding of our parental role, be able to set clear limits for ourselves and for our children, create a family culture that clearly articulates our family values, raise our children so that they are able to be independent and successful, be supportive to our children, and support all family members in getting along together.
How a “Crisis” Such as the Pandemic Can Disrupt Our Understanding of Our Parental Role
Challenging times such as the current pandemic disrupt how we understand our parenting role, as it causes us to see things and to feel things that we might not otherwise have seen or felt. While this disruption may feel like a “crisis,” it may also be an opportunity for parents’ growth and development.
All aspects of our family lives have been disrupted since March. Children are home from school, camp, or summer jobs, and many parents are home from jobs or other daily responsibilities and engagements. Parents who are essential workers are stressed by the health risks of their jobs, and not being available to their children who are home from school or work. These disruptions cause parents to experience unexpected stresses, worries, or concerns on behalf of our children and our families.
For example, having your child at home may cause you to see or to understand aspects of your child’s academic performance differently. Whereas you have been told that your child is making progress in the area of reading, you may actually observe that she is struggling to complete her reading assignments, or you may observe how challenging it is for your child to attend to her school work for the duration of the school day. In addition, to possible, new- found concerns about your child’s academic performance, you may also worry about how best to navigate decision making regarding safety for your family and for your child’s need to “have a life.”
A Crisis is an Opportunity for Growth and Development
The potentially overwhelming nature of these concerns and worries are what might make them feel like a “crisis.” It may feel challenging to imagine that taking time out for oneself is essential to one’s own emotional health. Yet, it is taking the time out for oneself and having the support that we need that facilitates our own growth and development in times of “crisis” or challenge. Growth and development in adulthood relies on two kinds of supportive learning: 1) Informational Learning, and 2) Transformational Learning.
Two Kinds of Learning in Adulthood
Informational learning
refers to providing parents with information they feel they need such as tips and strategies for how to best create structures to support your child’s learning at home, strategies to reduce your anxiety, information regarding your child’s learning style, information regarding how best to navigate the special education system, information about the college application process, and so much more.
Transformational Learning
refers to our ability to transform our mindsets or to gain a bigger perspective on ourselves in relationship to our parenting roles. It is the opportunity to become aware of the assumptions that we hold and examining them to see if they hold the kind of truth we believe them to hold. In doing so, there is the potential to transform our mindsets, and to gain a bigger perspective on what we believe to be most important in our role as parents.
The Importance of a Supportive Context Such as a Parent Support Group
Both informational learning and transformational learning rely on a supportive context. This context could be an informal group of friends who have had similar experiences, or it could be a more formalized parent support group such as the parent support groups offered at Frankenberger Associates. A parent support group provides parents with the following opportunities: 1) a pause—time out from the day-to-day nature of parenting, 2) engagement with parents who have similar experiences, 3) gathering information they feel they need, 4) time for reflection.
The Uniqueness of Parent Support Groups at Frankenberger Associates
The parent support groups at Frankenberger Associates are unique in three ways: 1) There is an intentional focus on growth and development, 2) the facilitator is an expert in adult development, and she is not a member of the group, 3) the group has a closed door—it is a group of parents who commit to meeting on a monthly basis over the course of the year—participants do not come and go. These distinct differences are intentional, as they provide a safe context designed to support parent’s growth and development, as well as to provide parents with the information they feel they need.