Mastering the Mind: Understanding Stress vs. Anxiety and How to Take Control

Stress vs. Anxiety: two words we often use interchangeably, yet they represent very different experiences. Stress is that uneasy feeling we get when faced with a tough deadline or a big event—a sense of pressure that drives us to act. Anxiety, however, is different. It's not just about facing a challenge in the present but about an anticipation of what could happen in the future. Think of it this way: Jonny has a math test, and he's feeling stressed. That stress pushes him to prepare and study, and while he's uncomfortable, the pressure motivates him. Meanwhile, Debrah is also unprepared for the same test, but instead of feeling motivated, she's paralyzed by anxiety—fearing failure, fearing judgment from her teacher, and avoiding the situation altogether.

This difference is at the core of how we experience life's challenges. Stress can be a good thing—it pushes us to act and adapt. But anxiety can trap us in a cycle of avoidance and fear, preventing growth. So, why do some people, like Debrah, feel this overwhelming sense of anxiety while others, like Jonny, manage stress effectively?

Let’s take a look back at evolution. Our brains have evolved over thousands of years, but in many ways, we’re still wired like cavemen. Our “bottom brain,” the part responsible for survival, is always on alert, scanning for threats, just like it did when our ancestors had to outrun predators. For a caveman, encountering a wild animal would trigger an immediate fight-or-flight response—run or be eaten. Fast forward to today, and while we aren’t running from lions, our bottom brain is still scanning for danger. The problem? Modern “dangers” aren’t about survival anymore. They’re about things like exams, public speaking, or social situations.

So, in Debrah’s case, her bottom brain is treating the test like a life-or-death situation, triggering her to avoid it at all costs. This avoidance may feel good in the moment, but it leads to more stress and greater anxiety in the long run. It's like escaping a predator, only to find it lurking around the next corner. This bottom-brain dominance can be a major contributor to why some people develop anxiety disorders.

Family beliefs, biology, and traumatic experiences also play a significant role in shaping our response to stress and anxiety. If you grew up in a household where anxiety was common—where parents worried excessively or avoided challenges—you’re more likely to pick up on those behaviors. Our biology, specifically how our brain chemicals function, can also make us more susceptible to anxiety. And, of course, adverse childhood experiences like trauma or loss can set the stage for chronic anxiety.

But here’s the good news: anxiety doesn’t have to control our lives. There are practical, science-backed strategies that can help break the cycle. One of the simplest yet most powerful tools? Breathing. Conscious breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body and mind. Techniques like square breathing (where you inhale, hold, exhale, and hold again for equal counts) can shift us from panic mode to calm focus in just a few minutes.

Creating order is another powerful strategy. Anxiety thrives in chaos, but when we organize our tasks, break them down into manageable steps, and set clear goals, we take back control. Movement, too, plays a vital role. Physical activity, especially forward movement like walking, has been shown to reduce anxiety levels significantly. It's as if our bodies are wired to associate progress, both mentally and physically, with relief from anxiety.

At its core, overcoming anxiety is about rewiring how we approach challenges. Instead of letting our bottom brain take over and react with fear, we can train ourselves to face stress with proactive strategies. Whether it’s through breathing exercises, organizing our day, or seeking help when we need it, there are ways to step out of anxiety’s grip and live more confidently.

So, the next time you're feeling anxious, remember that you have the power to change your response. It’s not about eliminating anxiety entirely but learning how to navigate it, using stress to your advantage and finding calm amidst the storm. The journey starts with understanding—and now, you’re one step closer to mastering it.

Ben Backes, LCSW, LACD
Assistant Executive Director