Listening to Understand and Add Value: A Challenging Task

Have you ever found yourself so focused on your next response in a conversation that you fail to show the other person they are heard and valued? This common mistake can make others feel misunderstood and undervalued. To truly understand someone, we must listen to grasp their perspective and the background they bring to the conversation. Listening merely to respond can lead to ignoring the speaker’s viewpoint and quickly inserting our own thoughts without a deeper understanding.

To gain perspective and show that you value the person on the other end of the conversation, ask questions that relate to their topic. Have you ever caught yourself listening just to respond rather than to ask the next meaningful question? This often happens in arguments, disagreements, and sensitive discussions. We're so eager to have our point heard that we forget to listen to the other side. Can you think of topics where this frequently occurs?

Listening to understand requires patience and practice. It involves putting aside our own biases and judgments to fully engage with the other person. This can be challenging, especially when we feel strongly about the topic at hand. However, by consciously making the effort to listen and ask thoughtful questions, we can create more meaningful and productive conversations. It’s about building a connection and showing respect for the other person’s experiences and viewpoints.

We are each other’s teachers. When we choose to learn from one another, we broaden our awareness of what's possible for ourselves and society. Taking a moment to “look through the lens” of  the person with whom we are speaking, and understanding their perspective can teach us things we might never learn by only looking through our own lens. By embracing this approach, we can foster a more inclusive and understanding environment, whether in our personal relationships or in educational or professional settings.

In essence, listening to understand is a powerful tool for personal growth and social connection. It allows us to build stronger relationships and develop a deeper empathy for those around us.

So, next time you find yourself in a conversation, take a step back, listen carefully, and ask questions that show you genuinely care about what the other person is saying. You might be surprised at how much you can learn, and how much more valued the other person will feel.

Kristen Laurito, M.Ed.
Social Learning Coach